Children Are Evil
by XxBizarreRoomxX
Summary: How can you not love them when they're trying to lodge Lincoln Logs into your cranium? Well, Riku is one of those people who hates children, even though his family owns a highly respected daycare. He only helps out just to see a certain brunet man who comes to pick up his little twin nightmares. But can two little demons stand between Riku and a hot date?
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Kingdom Hearts except on Playstation, whose franchise I do not own. I also do not own Final Fantasy or Disney.**

There he was. His brown wild hair. Those brilliant, sky blue eyes. That deliciously tanned skin that just was begging to be touched. Riku couldn't help but stare at such a creature. But if his vision zoomed out, he'd see a pair of little blond demons dancing at his beloved angel's feet. Oh how he despised those tiny, walking disasters. They'd scream and yell, and pull at his hair every time they got close enough. How he wanted to wrap his hands around their delicate necks and snap them in two. If he could do that, his life would be a lot better. But he couldn't because that would ruin his chances of getting any sort of date except for one in court. There were only a select few of children that could get under his skin, but those two took the cake above the rest. They'd only been coming to the daycare on the weekends for two weeks, and he already can't stand them. So far they teamed up and tripped him using yarn they had pulled off puppet that had served for hair, cut off pieces of his pants when he didn't notice to use in arts and crafts, and had gotten clay and paint in his hair which took forever to get out. Need there be more said?

The two devils went by the names Ventus and Roxas. The two both had very similar personalities, however Roxas showed more attitude when he wanted. Other than that, the two were practically unidentifiable from each other. Only at the age of seven have they mastered the art of deception. When any worker other than Riku was around they acted as regular children. Otherwise they ran rampant and wild to the point of ruin and destruction. Riku dare not report such behavior or he'd risk ever getting close to their father. He dreams of the day those brats would be forced to listen to him.

Riku slowly drifted out of his fantasies of making out with the mussed hair angel in favor of watching his perfect ass walk away. His view was caught by the blond nightmares glaring at him menacingly. Simultaneously, they flipped him the bird behind their father's back. If someone looked at Riku, they could have probably sworn they saw a live storm cloud.

"I'll fix you little pricks,"Riku bit out. "One day, I'll give you two a piece of my mind."


	2. Chapter 2

**Listening to Don't Ask Me by OK Go will enhance the feeling of this chapter.**

Dear all that is good in the world, these children were going to kill him. If not the children, then he'd die by his own hand.

_Maybe I could pass a clay suffocation as an accident..._

Riku watched silently as the two blonde demons, Ventus and Roxas, molding clay into a crude version of himself. As Roxas spent his time getting tiny Riku's hair and face as detailed as his seven-year-old self could get it,(Which was better than many would expect.) Ventus worked with some building what looked like a pedestal. The silver-haired male had no idea what they were up to. Whenever Riku watched them for more than five seconds, they'd drop everything and glare at him. The young care taker was about to just get up and walk out of the room when the monstrosities beckoned him over to their table. The two had stood blocking the table behind them. Roxas was first to speak.

"Riku, Riku, look at what we made for you!"

Then Ventus spoke.

"Hope you like it!"

The two separated like a gate, revealing a scene of Clay-Riku hanging himself with a yarn noose standing over the pedestal.

"You like it, Riku?" The two said in unison.

'Hell no, you rotten turds' was what he wanted to say,but he couldn't.

"Yeah, that's awesome how you captured my...deadness."

"Really?" Ventus said with faux excitement.

"Then you'll really like this one," Roxas continued.

The twin terrors crouched to where their foreheads met the table and reached underneath it, pulling out something covered by a nap time blanket.

_How'd I miss that?_

The blondes pulled the veiling from the object carefully. Riku leaned in as the cloth vanished from the concealed item.

"What...the..."

"What the what, Riku?" Ventus asked feigning innocence.

Riku was struck speechless.

Before him proudly sat a live scale clay statue of his is love, his angel. Sculped perfectly by every corner, curve, strand of hair, and every indention. Its sepia-toned clay body was sitting upright while its head was thrown back in what seemed to be pleasure by the expression it was sporting. Riku trailed is eyes down to find the rest of the body bare except the lap area which was covered with a sculpted blanket. The angel's statue had its hands modeled to where they looked like they were trailing southward while its legs were spread provocatively. In other words, the statue was very orgasm inducing.

_How in the hell did they manage to sculpt this in two hours?!_

The demons decided to speak up just as the silver-haired male thought to question them.

"We get Sora to model for us..." Ventus started.

Roxas finished darkly,"...So we know every single part of his body."

Riku was really starting to feel hot under the collar in more ways than one. How he wished this clay statue was the real thing. He looked toward the two blonde mirror images. They were smiling happily at him.

...Maybe they weren't so bad...

"Riku what is this?"

"P-Paine..."

"What in the world is this?" the woman questioned.

"Well, y'see..."

Why'd his older sister have to come at this time of day. Wasn't she supposed to be attending the class across the damn building?

The short silver-haired woman put both of her hands up in defense.

"Listen, I don't really care,"She said quickly. "Just be careful how much censorship is showed around here. I don't mind your stalker-ish tendencies, but be cautious because you know how Sephi gets."

Riku dropped his head in defeat.

"Okay, sis, will do."

Paine took a moment to look at the two blonde children playing with building blocks. She bent at the waist and cooed.

"How cute you two are. Well, it's time for you two to go. Daddy called for you. My silly brother will take you."

A 'what' could be heard from Riku's general direction in which the older female rolled her eyes. Paine turned to her younger sibling.

"I'll watch your kids. Go."

"But..."

"Go."

*Insert Uncharacteristic Whine*

"Dammit, Riku!"

"Fine."

**+=+=+=+=+=+=VeryStupidPageBreak=+=+=+=+=+=+**

It was very silent...

Too silent.

Well, if footsteps didn't count.

Riku spared a glance at the only beings other than himself walking in the hallway. They were staring right at him. The silver-haired care taker cleared his throat a bit. The quiet was good. This way he wouldn't have to interact with them and he wouldn't blow his top. This was good. Quiet.

"Your sister has a nice ass."

_Ignore them, Riku._

"I wonder how well she is to her boyfriend..."

_Ignore them. They don't know what they're talking about._

"Is she a lesbian? 'Cause no one that fine could be single."

"...Nah, she..."

"Nevermind."

_Why'd you ask in the first place?!_

"Sora's probably a lot better in bed anyway."

Was that the sound of thread snapping?

"NNnnooooooo!"

The older male was now bent over in a fetal position with his hands above his head. He felt like he was going to explode!

"Um...Are you okay, Mr. Riku?"

Or not.

"Yes," the silveret popped up like a jack-in-the-box. His angel was here to save him. "I'm totally, completely fine. Here's your children."

Riku obscurely prodded the two nightmares in the back as he pushed them toward their parent.

"Ah, thank you."

"Sora, Sora! Riku helped us make you something today! Come see it."

Riku's heart took a leap from about ten stories high...in hell. Sora absolutely could not see that statue. He couldn't imagine what would happen. Sora would think he was a freak and hate him. Or worse: never come to the day care again.

_Shit!_

The frantic man broke out of his thoughts to find he was the only one left in the main lobby. He was already too late. Riku sprinted as fast as he could toward his room. He peeked around the corner of the doorway. There stood a still brunet with two shocked looking blonde kids.

"Mr. Riku, this..."

The silveret's heart stopped.

"Is the cutest thing ever. Thank you!"

The chocolate-eyed male nearly launched himself at the care taker. Riku melted into the embrace. Over the brunet's shoulder, the aquamarine-eyed man could see the sour faces the twin devils were sporting. There was also something he couldn't see. The angel's statue was nowhere to be found. On the table sat the pedesal whic upon that stood Clay-Riku with two figures identical to the blonde wreckers at his sides. The models were holding hands with each other, forming a circle.

_What?..._

**+=+=+=+=+=+CalmPageBreak+=+=+=+=+=+**

Riku sat on a bench as he watched all the parents leave with their children. His mind was still a bit scrambled from the events of the day. A vibration shook the wooden seat as someone else sat down. There was no need to look at who it was.

"Don't let those kids get to you. I know they're evil."

"How...?"

"You think I wouldn't see it as much as they pick on you?"

"Oh..." The younger silver-head sighed."It's that obvious."

The two sat in silence for a moment.

"Aren't you gonna thank me for hidin' your stalking evidence?"

"Ah."

"You're welcome, little brother. Anytime."

Paine stood from the bench and stretched whilst taking a deep breath.

"Just make sure Sephiroth doesn't get on your case."

Riku scoffed.

"I'd be in deep shit then."

"Yeah, real deep shit."

The short-haired woman walked off.

_Hahaha...poop._

_..._

_Wait I want that statue!_

**Please tell me how I did.**

**I have a poll, please check it out.**


	3. Chapter 3

The blonde twin terrors were not happy. Roxas bit fitfully into his lollipop. Ventus noticed his brother's restlessness. How could he not when he was feeling the same way. However, the two couldn't converse about their problems at the moment due to them both being in the back of Sora's car. Roxas found himself unsatisfied with the results of today's activities. Neither he or Ventus knew where their clay statue had went.

_That thing was a masterpiece! Where the hell could it have gone. Unless..._

"Psst, Ven..." Roxas whispered.

"Yeah?" Ventus answered back just as quietly.

"You think Riku's sister took our statue?"

Ventus pondered for a moment.

"Probably. If you really think about it, she's the only one who could have done it that fast while we were out."

Roxas hummed in thought. Well, that was one attempt at ruining their teacher's relationship with Sora. Deciding that he wanted to check on the kid's, Sora looked into his rear view mirror.

"You guys okay?" He asked sincerely, unknowingly fluttering his lashes. "It's a bit quiet today, it's usually full of your talking."

The two seven-year olds looked up into the mirror to Sora.

"It's fine, were just thinking about you is all," The two reassured. "Y'know we think you're pretty."

At this, the ocean eyed man blushed a beautiful pink.

"Oh, you guys," Sora sighed. "Don't let Vanitus hear you say anything like that tonight. He'd do some...things."

Roxas shivered at the thought of the dark-haired man and his cruel tortures. As opposed Ventus whose face lit up.

"He's coming over?"The happier of the two cried excitedly.

"Yup!" The brunet beamed. "So watch your butts."

Roxas snapped from his terror-filled daze.

"Oh, please."The spunky boy huffed. "He loves us too much to torture us..."

Sora rose an eyebrow at Roxas through the mirror.

"...to death anyway."

Sora gave a light-hearted giggle.

"Well, he seemed really happy on the phone,"The sky-eyed man explained. "Right now, he's on his flight back from Hollow Bastion. He'll be here at eight, so I decided we needed to get ready for his arrival."

The twins looked at each other.

"Baking?" The now equally excited blondes asked.

"Cookies, cake, pie, you name it."

Ventus and Roxas' eyes lit up enough to rival stars.

This was totally going to be fun.

**Yeah, I needed a filler. Sorry it's so short. Please forgive me.**

**Don't worry, though, this leads to more plot.**

**Poll open to see what story I work on.**

**I'd be completely elated if you all R&R.**


	4. Chapter 4

Riku sighed as he watched the day care children play on the expansive playground. In the field area, a game of tag was being held in which the poor boy who had quite a bit of baby fat,Pence, was once again deemed 'it'. Riku watched how the would run for three seconds before falling to the ground huffing on his back. As amusing as it was, it was just too sad. The bemused man removed himself from the bench he'd been relaxing on and lazily made his way to the pitiful lump in the grass.

"Enough, you can have snack time early today."

The silver headed man let out a deep chuckle when he saw the winded boy pick himself up and rush toward the main building with greater speed than when he was chasing the other children playing. Riku was about to return to his resting point when he felt a hand tug his pants leg. Upon looking down, he found a boy about to his waist with slicked back blonde curly hair. Loose strands hung down from rough play. The name of boy slipped Riku's mind at the moment.

"Oi, Riku-sensei," The boy shouted although he wasn't to far away. "You let our tagger leave. Now you gotta find someone to take his place. You're gonna have to be 'it!'"He smirked deviously.

Who else could have such a snide attitude but Hayner the Great...

Riku patted the boy on the head softly.

"Listen, kid," The older male started calmly."No."

And with that, the ocean eyed care taker walked away leaving a sputtering and frustrated blonde behind him.

It was peaceful. In the large sand box sat the bane of his existence times two. The two were working diligently on a castle that seemed oddly shaped with a large tower they had constructed by using water from the watering station. The aqua eyed man absently looked himself over. His silver hair was putty free. He still had all of his clothes. There weren't any weird statues laying about. Something was terribly wrong.

Riku's eyebrows furrowed as he pondered what the two were brewing for him.

"Hey, Riku we got an early pick-up!" Paine's voice range from the direction of the main building.

Riku turned his head in acknowledgment when he noticed the figure walking next to the silver-haired woman. The stranger owned Halloween moon yellow eyes and deep space dark hair. What struck Riku the most was the man's resemblance to his blonde angel. The only other difference besides the color scheme was that his overall appearance gave a sense of demonic aura. The man's eyes were far less innocent even. As he observed the man before him, Riku felt two small bodies pass him by bumping him most likely on purpose. The man crouched down to the tiny demons and patted their heads affectionately.

"How's my two little shits, huh!?"The angel's carbon copy greeted.

Paine coughed lightly hoping the man would remember there were children afoot. Said man gave a weak laugh before rising back to his full height before turning his sights on the care taker. He stuck out his hand expecting a hand in return.

"Name's Vanitus," The dark-haired man began grinning darkly."I came for my brats obviously."

Before Riku could say anything back, Ventus pulled at the man's outstretched hand to get his attention.

"This is our sensei, Riku."He beamed.

Vanitus looked the silver-haired man over.

"So yer the one these two keep blabbin' to me about...You ain't what I imagined."

Riku may have looked calm on the outside, but there was a nuclear explosion in his brain cavity at that moment.

"Um, excuse me," The insulted man started. "But who exactly are you to these kids?"

"Like, I'm their dad,"Vanitus stated nonchalantly.

The young care taker was struck speechless. He turned to his sister in hopes of an explanation. Apparently Paine didn't see that coming either, she shrugged at him and walked off in hopes of avoiding Riku's upcoming bitch fit. Riku's eye twitched as he watched his sister walk away. He felt like sighing in relief that the demons didn't belong to his angel. However he was curious as to why Sora always picked the two up and dropped them off on the weekends. A hand appeared on the aquamarine-eyed man's shoulder.

"I take it that's your sister, Paine,"Riku nodded."She has a nice ass like the boys described."

Now Riku felt like crying. What if his angel didn't come to pick up the natural disasters anymore? Instead he would get an evil carbon copy who apparently liked his sister's well exercised buttocks.

"Welp, I guess you gots work to do,"The dark angel sighed."We should be going before Sora decides we're taking too long..."

"Too late!"

The first pair of eyes to be laid on the cheerful brunet was of course the sea-foam ones. His angel was here to save him once again! Right about now Riku looked like an over stimulated dog. Especially so when Sora laid his wide bright eyes on him.

The warm brunet opened his plump lips to pronounce the simple words..."Hello, Riikuuu!"

The silver haired male almost fainted.

"H-hello Sora..."

"Thanks a lot for looking after my little angels for me,"Sora smiled. Riku frowned."I know how much of a handful they can be."

"Like the time when they cut holes in your super tight skinny jeans."

The auburn haired male blushed."S-shut up. You promised to not speak of that again.'

"Well on one told you to go outside and hunt them down while wearing said jeans."

Sora's blush darkened. Riku imagined a certain pissed angel in tight hole-filled jeans. Was he drooling? No? Okay, good.

The friendly reminiscing was cut short when the twins got annoyed from being ignored.

"We're hungry!"The two growled in a whine-like tone.

Sora turned to them and bent at the waist, putting his hands on his knees. Doing this gave Riku a nice view of his bubbly bottom.

"How 'bout we go and I fix y'all some lunch?"

The little devils smiled brightly at the suggestion. The angel extended his hands to them which were taken gladly, one of the twins' hands occupying each. The three continued to walk toward the parking lot from which Sora had come. Riku gave a miniscule pout at the fact that his angel only visited for such a short time. He again felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking over it, he found Vanitus giving a serious look.

"If you hurt him, I will personally come after your ass,"Those yellow moon eyes bore into the silveret's very soul."Well good luck."

With that, the evil harbinger ran off shouting a quick 'good luck' while simultaneously flicking him off. He was so going to cry. Now he had to watch his ass around an even bigger demon. Riku slowly lumbered back to his relaxing bench where a snacking Pence could be found. As he sat, the boy looked up to him.

"Love life got ya down?"

Riku nodded.

"Wanna animal cracker?"

Riku looked at the hand offering a single giraffe with tears lining his eyes. He took it thankfully and slowly bit the head off.

"Now, don't you feel better?"

Riku looked at the chubby boy with the most pitiful look.

"Yeah, thanks."

Pence smiled softly as he continued to munch on his snacks.

The silveret rubbed the unshed tears from his eyes. Somehow he felt a lot better.

"Oh, Roxas and Ventus told me to you to check out the sandbox..."

Riku hesitantly stood from the wooden bench to make his way to the sand box. Now he stood over it. In it was the odd-shaped castle however, at the foot of it was a moat. In it there was a floating head...Riku's head apparently if the little toothpick with the slip if paper with his name on it was any indication...

Now Riku didn't feel so good...

Upon returning to the bench, Pence gave him a sympathetic look.

"It's okay," He soothed. "At least you have love, right?"

Riku put his head in is hands and wept...(like a man would of course.)

**Sorry for making Riku so miserable here. It'll get better for him, I promise.**

** Love hurts, right?**

**Please R&R...Tell me about your experience thus far.**


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